Well...it could have been worse!?!

I played in Relief Society for the first time yesterday. It was such an emotional week. I don't know how many times I cried and thought I can't do this. I had a stress/tension headache on Sunday and was very emotional. The first song I played was TERRIBLE!!! The last song was actually alright for the most part. My fingers were shaking so badly on both songs it was amazing any sound came out at all. After choir I came home and, you guessed it, cried. Other than the headache, crying and lower self esteem it all worked out! Layne tried to leave me a supportive note before church. It basically said, sometimes the Lord calls us to a position to help others and sometimes he calls us to a position to serve us. So let him. To which I kept thinking, how can a stress headache, emotions out of control and lower self esteem be serving me? Nope...he tried to help but I am not seeing it. I know I am being a "negative nellie". I hope at some point I can look back and say, "I am so glad I received this calling." As for now...not so much.

Are you insane?!

This morning I was called in to talk with our Bishop. After the small talk he hemmed and hawed around and then said, " Your name was submitted to us from the Relief Society. We talked as a bishopric about it and we know this will be a stretch...(at this point I am thinking what would be a stretch for me in Relief Society. Then it hit me!!! I said please don't tell me accompianist.) The Bishop said, "Oh! See you know." To which I replied, " ARE YOU INSANE?!" Not my most stellar answer to a calling being extended to me. He said, "Your husband told us he thought you could do it but that it would be a stretch." I told him that was an understatement. I will have someone to switch off with who can actually play the piano. That is the good part. After I left the church, (I did say I would accept because that was the way I was raised...which I am really questioning at this point.) I got in my car to go back home. As I pulled out of the church parking lot I started listening to the song that just"happened" to be playing on the radio. These were the words that they were being sung...'He lives to hear my soul's complaint. He lives to silence all my fears. He lives to wipe away my tears. He lives to calm my troubled heart. He lives all blessing's to impart." At this point I really wanted to cry. (I mean I get nervous playing with my children in their recitals if there is a simple duet. I don't like playing the piano in front of people, especially if they have to sing along. My fingers get shaky and my mind goes numb). Pulling myself together I thought alright, I get the message. I know that the Lord will magnify those whom He calls to serve. Yes I will have to put in hours each day to fulfill my calling. Yes this will unquestionably be a huge stretch for me. But I do have faith that the Lord will help me and bless me in this calling. The way I see it, the Lord has a purpose for me to learn to play the piano better. Who knows down the road I may be on a mission somewhere that they need an accompianist and I will be able to help out because of this calling. Or maybe the Lord wasn't happy with me wasting a talent, so he is giving me this opportunity to learn, grow and develop this talent. Whatever the case may be, I hope the learning curve isn't too long. Feel free to send prayers up for me! This of all the callings I have had in the past will take the most of my time, at least initially, and that is saying something! Having been the YW President, and in several Primary Presidencies. I think I will have to listen to the lines of "I Know That My Redeemer Lives" several times in the next few weeks, and months. I am sure my soul will complain, that I will have fear, many tears and a troubled heart...but in the end blessings will be imparted. Right?!